A Troublemaker’s Guide to USQ Cup
Are you a freshman on Florida State, an 8th year senior on Mizzou, or 36 and still playing for Boom Train? We have the answers to all the questions you have about nationals, and all the ones you don’t! And who better to explain the rules than the very one responsible for several of them being created!
By: Cheyenne Farmer
Advice:
Give up your dream of the tournament staying on schedule. It's never going to happen.
Attempting to eat the Flag Runner is generally frowned upon, but not outright forbidden. (Ask Jason Ng for more details)
Go for the knees.
Challenging the referee to a duel will not do you any favors.
Please stop threatening to mutiny when your coach makes you do passing drills. We all know they’re not going to help at this point, but your coach is doing their best, just let it happen.
Ignore the scorekeeper’s tears, they don’t know what’s happening either.
We don't fly but our tents certainly will. Make sure you stake them firmly to the ground .(See Brooms on the Brazos ‘24 for reference.)
Attempting to fight a tree to avenge your broom is a stupid idea and will leave you with more bruises than you bargained for.
Mudball is fun. Hailball? Not so much. (Shout out to the Salt Lake 2022)
STOP. TRYING. TO. SEDUCE. THE. ENEMY. BEATERS.
If you address another player by the wrong pronouns you will face a penalty and be forced to wear the Cone of Shame.
Cleats are no longer required but still highly recommended. You will regret it otherwise.
If you see Batman, no you don't. He is the night.
Failure to shower before going to bed Saturday night will earn you the hose.
We can't all go to Chili’s. Find a different restaurant.
Don't question ‘it’.
“Does anyone want to ref?” Is a trap. Run.
DRINK WATER! HYDRATE OR DIE!
Rules:
Once again, cross-team pillow fights in the hotel lobbies are not allowed. (10:30 PM, BYOP)
In the event that both seekers grab the flag at the same time, they must engage in gladiatorial combat to decide who gets it.
Under no circumstances are you to set a referee on fire, even if foul play is suspected
No, you are not allowed to use a didgeridoo as a broom. Whose idea was this?
Tilting the hoop out of the way of the ball is illegal. This game is based on magical fiction, not Looney Toons logic. (Yes it will be funny. Still illegal.)
Rap battles and dance-offs are not approved for tie-breakers.
Reminders:
Saying, “harder daddy,” after getting beat will result in immediate banishment to the shadow realm.
Training owls or other avian creatures to carry the quadball is strictly FORBIDDEN.
Caleb Williams does, in fact, make the rules. Attempting to argue with him is a useless endeavor.
For the sake of your coaches' sanity, BRING YOUR MOUTHGUARD.
Despite our orgins, witchcraft is considered cheating and therefore forbidden.
Gabe Garmelo’s wife would like to remind him that he is not allowed to be the flag runner anymore, and that he is RETIRED.
Invisibility cloaks, and all other methods of visual obscurment, are banned.
