Long Lost Snitch Runner Found Stuck in a Tree
Reported By: Jack Moseley
Great news! After almost a decade the search for long lost snitch runner Mikey Chabowicz is finally over. A legend in the pretend wizarding world, Chabowicz was last seen in 2012 crab walking into the woods during a match between Middlebury and Harvard. Chabowicz was discovered this week by local “bird” watcher Teri Donovan.
“Thought we’d found us a squatch” commented Donovan, “Just some freak nerd in yellow shorts.”
Truly inspiring! Since being rescued Chabowicz has been moved to a shelter for lost snitch runners: The McLachlan Center for Snitches in Need.
“I’d begun to think they’d forgotten about me,” chuckled Chabowicz, “After all these years it's hard to tell where my tail ends and I begin...”
It’s crazy to think that nine years ago the search for our lost friend first began. When seekers were unable to find Chabowicz after several hours, a search party was sent out.
“We tried everything,” said event coordinator Becky Moonshoes, “Shouting ‘Marco’, chanting ‘Accio Snitch’, I even tried shaking a bowl of pet food. Nothing.”
At sundown the search was stopped, never to be picked up again.
“Woods are creepy at night”, said police chief Buck Londer, “I’ve seen Blair Witch, no thank you. Not for me. Why not go back out the next day? Figured the beavers already got him. Trust me, nobody’s more relieved than me that they didn’t.”
A bygone era: for much of Quidditch’s history snitches would engage in all sorts of nutty hijinks.
To this day, the notorious match preceding the disappearance of Chabowicz remains the only official Quidditch game not to end in a snitch catch. Although the game was officially concluded after three hours (score 370-350 Middlebury), many argue to this day that as the snitch wasn’t caught, the results of the game are invalid.
“That’s baloney, we won that game fair and square”, said Middlebury seeker Martin Scottsdale, “Still, you’ve gotta feel for the guy. Out there in the cold this whole time with only a tail and a rainbow colored wig to keep him warm. Say, where’d you say he was now?”
Due to an obscure bylaw within the the 5th edition of IQA’s rulebook, neither seeker from the match is officially allowed to retire until the snitch is caught. Both players have spent the last nine years in yellow headbands, on broom. When reached for comment on the situation, Harvard Seeker Sasha Yatzee said only:
“They found him!? #$@&%, I have to go.”
Today Chabowicz is recovering and learning to fit back into the Quidditch world, as well as the human one. As he prepares for the next phase of his life, Chabowicz tells us about his experiences.
“How did I survive so long in a tree? Trading with birds mostly. Bears too, decent folk really. The hardest part was boredom. Nine years is a long time to sit playing with your tail. Sure I wanted to come down but I was so high up I--oh God, they’re here!”
At the time this is being written Chabowicz is currently sprinting back into the woods, followed by the same two seekers that began the chase nine years ago.
Truly a heartwarming story. If you want to make a difference helping snitches like Mikey, contact the McLachlan Center for Snitches in Need today.